Kanbei Suckks: The Adventures Of Kanbei
by Beachchickrules
Summary: ...And His Loyal Samurai Vacuum Cleaner. (Not enough room for the title!) Anyhoo, read to discover what happens when a certain emporer gets a birthday present from Andy. Gotta start Chapter 3.
1. Default Chapter

Kanbei Suckks: The Adventures of Kanbei and His Loyal Samurai Vacuum Cleaner 

By Beachchickrules

Chapter 1: Happy Birthday! 

Today is the birthday of Emporer Kanbei of Yellow Comet.

The celebration takes place in- where else- the Yellow Comet Emperial Palace… but strangely, it looks like a military headquarters.

Kanbei is seated at a long, fancy table, admiring the gifts given to him.

"Ah, what a durable, precise electric razor," Kanbei says.  "This will be perfect for keeping my beard neatly trimmed."

At this, Sonja grins.  "I'm so glad you like it, Father.  It seems everyone else gave you a katana."

"No need to worry, dear daughter!  They are all as special as the last!"  Kanbei turns to some guards.  "Please take these katanas to my Katana Mansion."

"Sir… that Mansion is full… of katanas."

"Ah, no need to worry.  They can be placed in-" 

Kanbei pauses mid-sentence as the double doors of the room are opened.

"Emporer Kanbei, sir, the Commanding Officers of Orange Star are here to see you," a guard announces.

"Ah, wonderful.  Come and join the festivities, my allies."

"Oh boy!  Oh boy!  A party!" Andy exclaims, each of his eyes as bright as the sun, emitting rays of extreme eagerness and delight.  "I wanna play pin the tail on the Medium Tank!"

Nell smiles uneasily at Kanbei.  "He… ate some of the cake we brought you before we got here."

Sami rushes into the room, a silver platter in her hands.  "Happy birthday!" she exclaims, opening the lid.  There is one small sliver of cake remaining.

"Why, what an extravagant cake slice!  I henceforth declare that it shall be the most decadent piece of cake for my tongue to ever experience!"

"Well, I tried to protect the entire cake from Andy, but he can be pretty sneaky, sir," Sami said bluntly.

"Max maded a delicious cake!" Andy burps.

"Max?  You made this piece of scrumptious looking deliciousness?" Kanbei asks, surprised.

"Yeah, Sami can't control herself around chocolate, and Andy wanted to frost it with WD-40, so we decided that I would make it."

Kanbei procures a piece of cake on his imperial fork and places it in his mouth while Max speaks.

"Amazing!  I am blown away by Max's cake!  All other cake is now obsolete."

The palace bakers and chefs leave the room, disappointed, their heads sunk low, and their countenances etched with rejection.

The commanders of Orange Star are seated near Kanbei, and they give him presents.  Well, all except… Andy.

"Where is Andy?  That young man does not appear to be seated with us at the current time."  Kanbei looks around the room.

"Oh boy, this is fun!" Andy is heard exclaiming.  He exits from behind a pile of assorted katanas, holding one with both hands.  "Wheee!"

"Andy, put that down!  That does not belong to you!" Nell orders.

"But…"

"Andy, don't you have a gift for the Emporer?" Max asks him.

"Oh yeah!  I broughted that!"  Andy rushes behind the pile of katanas once more, retrieving a large, odd-shaped packaged sealed with duct tape.

"The shape of that gift is intriguing.  I wonder what it could be?" Kanbei says.

"Probably a bent katana," Sami replies.

"Now Sami…" Nell gently murmurs, "We know that's not what it is."

Before Sami can respond, Andy sets the package on the table directly in front of Kanbei, who anxiously begins to… slide his fingers under the folds of the wrapping paper with cautious care.

"Now, let's see… if I can successfully loosen this end of the paper so as to not damage-"

"Aww, come on, Emporer, that's no way to open a package!" scoffs Sami.

"Rip it open!  Rip it open!" Andy hollers.

"All right.  I shall rip open the paper."   Kanbei attempts to rip the package open, but to no avail.

"I used my super-heavy-duty duct tape," Andy grins.

"Geez, Andy!" Max groans.

"No need to worry, my loyal friend, for I will utilize my trusty katana to slice open the paper."

"Which one?" Sami asks, eyeing the large pile of gift katanas.

"Why, none other than the trusty blade on my side."  With that, Kanbei stands up, unsheaths the brown katana attached to his clothing, and slices the giftwrap with ease to reveal… what certainly is the most unique gift of the day.


	2. Chapter 2: Andy's Gift Suckks

Chapter 2:  Andy's Gift Suckks 

Kanbei carefully removes the cut pieces of wrap from a large, odd-shaped metal object.

"What could this strange contraption be?" Kanbei wonders aloud.

The gift is approximately three feet tall and one foot wide and appears to be a large, silver cylinder with a flexible, yellow hose attached.  It seems there are backpack straps made of heavy-duty yellow canvas attached to the back of the cylinder.

"Andy, I told you not to give Kanbei fancy scrap metal as a present!" Max bellows.

"But, but-"

"It must be some sort of explosive," Sami comments, cutting Andy off.  "What do you have to say for yourself?"

"Mister Kanbei," Andy hurriedly began, "your present is a special type of vacuum I maded just for you."

"That's… a vacuum?" Max asks skeptically.

"You're awfully creative, Andy…" Nell mumbles with a hint of sarcasm.

"That is ingenious, young Andy!" Kanbei gushes.  How do I operate this elusive device?

"There are special buttons on the side of the vacuum that you can reach when you put it on your back," Andy explains.  Sami and Max laugh.

"You put that on your back?!" they exclaim.

"Yeah!" Andy grins as Kanbei stands up, holding the straps of the vacuum.

"I will wear this vacuum instantly!  I've been needing to clean some dust out of my sock drawer for a long time."  He fits the straps onto his shoulders and turns around.  "How does it look, my friends?"

"Downright silly," Nell answers with a giggle.

"You could be a high-tech maid!" Sami offers.

"Wait a minute," Max says.  Something on the vacuum has caught his eye.  "Why does that thing say 'Suckk' on it?  Are you trying to say Kanbei Suckks?!?"  Max glares at Andy, and somehow Max's muscles look even larger.

"No, no!" Andy whines defensively.  "The vacuum's name is Suckk."  Nell, Max, and Sami chuckle.

"How appropriate!" giggles Nell.

"Let's see if it earns the name," suggests Max.

"Yeah!  Vacuum something, Emperor!" Sami says.

"It would be of utmost honor!" exclaims Kanbei, reaching for the hose, which he holds in one hand while pushing buttons in the other, looking down under his armpit to read them.  "Ah, let's try 'Super Pinpoint Suckk'!"

Kanbei pushes the button and Nell's small purple cap immediately flies off and sticks to the hose.

"Give that back, please," Nell laughs nervously.  Everyone turns towards her.

"Um, Nell…"

"I know, Sami, I know…"

"You missed a spot when you were bleaching your hair," Max said, observing a spot of brown roots in the center of the top of Nell's head.

"Well, that's why I was covering it up with that hat."

"You are truly a brunette?" Kanbei asks.

"Well, yes… how else would I be smart enough to do field training?"

"Ah, I see…"  Kanbei returns the hat to Nell and she carefully places it onto her head.

"Uh, Nell…" Sami murmurs, motioning her hands above her head.  Nell adjusts her hat, smiles quickly at Sami, and then appears to be very annoyed.

"We really need to be getting back to HQ," Nell announces.  "There is still more work to be finished before the end of the day."

"I hope to see all of you again in the future.  You have my sincerest gratitude for attending my party and bringing such thoughtful gifts."

Max and Sami chuckle at the words, "thoughtful gifts," while Nell practically drags them out the door.

"Mister Kanbei," Andy says before leaving, "let me fix Suckk so that he won't fall off of your shoulders."

"Why, thank you very much!  That will be very- OWW of you, I appreci-OWW! it!  Hmmm…. both of my shoulders are throbbing with intense pain…"

"Oh, that could be because I fastened the straps to your shoulders permanently using my electric screwdriver!"

"I dislike the pain that resulted from your antics, but my mobility while I'm wearing this machine will be increased!"

"Glad you like it, Mister Kanbei!  Bye bye!"  Andy sprints to the door that Nell and the others are exiting through.

"Ah, Sonja, I must utilize my new machine and show everyone its great power!" Kanbei says, turning to his daughter.

"That's nice, father…" Sonja yawns sleepily.


End file.
